the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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