I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
