Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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