dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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