Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
