Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
