so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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