I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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