Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
