she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
