Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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