Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
