the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
