I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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