Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I just sharted jello shots
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
