The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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