Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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