I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
