How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
