Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
