Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
