1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
