my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
