i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she pinky promised me she was 18
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
