you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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