In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
