Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
