So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
