have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
