I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
