Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
