I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
