in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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