Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
