You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
