How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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