I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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