soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
