I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
