Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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