There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
