I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this beer tastes like vomit already
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
