It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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