Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
