I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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