I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
