I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
