Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
