you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
