i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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