wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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