I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
