I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
