im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
