I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
