My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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