i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
