I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
