I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
