I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bang-toberfest begins!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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