I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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