My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize