Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
