I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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