Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
