butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
