We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
