He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
