And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
