Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize