Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
