sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
