Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
