i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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