I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love having hate sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
